Thursday, April 25, 2013

The Cereal Awards

Cereal is awesome.

Who doesn't love opening their cabinet door and looking at their selection of 2-3 cereals. You have the cereal box that is 3/4ths empty but that last quarter has been sitting there for weeks. There's the box of cereal that was just opened this morning yet already is half done. And of course, every cabinet has to have a fresh unopened box, just waiting to be experienced. Usually that box is opened wayyyyy before the other two boxes are finished, because everyone needs some variety in there life.

But which cereals are the best? Which are the worst? Without further ado, I present you with The Cereal Awards!

Best Supporting Cereal - Cheerios

Is Cheerios really anyone's favorite cereal? But you know what, it always is there when you need that snack. It's not going to be the first box you pickup at the supermarket. You'll buy it in March and it will still be in the back of your closet come June. But there's always room for one handful. General Mills realized this and created about ten other flavors of Cheerios. Honey Nut is arguably the best. But there's always room in my heart for just regular plain ole' Cheerios.

Best New Cereal - Krave

Have you had Krave? Really, you don't know what it is? Please go to your local CVS and buy three boxes immediately. It's amazingness in a bowl. It really shouldn't even be classified as a cereal. Restaurants should be serving it as a desert. Krave is crispy multi-grains with the catch being there's chocolate in the middle. Listen, I'm sure there's like 15 grams of sugar per serving, but your fooling yourself if you eat cereal for the health benefits (Does anyone know what a serving actually is? What is 3/4ths of a cup? Can't we change the universal definition of a cereal serving as a bowl). Anyway, just buy Krave. The End.

Cereal Most Likely to Send You To a Hospital - Captain Crunch

I don't remember the first time I took a bite out of Captain Crunch, but I certainly remember a good amount of times. And man, it hurts. You take a nice amount, and then bam, the top of your mouth gets all scratched up. Captain Crunch is made for around three to four bites. Anymore, and you are feeling it for days.

Lifetime Achievement Award - Fruity/Coco Pebbles

What a great cereal. The duo combines everything you want. Tasty, easy to eat, bang for your buck. A little expert tip is to mix the two and you get just an infusion of fruit and chocolate. This cereal type started in 1971! Unbelievable how it has lasted. And according to Wikipedia, there's been like ten versions. This is where I get sucked in for about twenty minutes, because who knew there was a Dino Smores Cereal. It lasted a few years, but had a bone, marshmallow, and piece of chocolate. I'd probably pay $30 a box for this today. Anyway, anytime I have trouble picking out a cereal at the supermarket, I always go to my go-to duo.

Cereal That Needs To Go Away - Frosted Mini Wheats

I find myself buying FMW about once a year, and everytime, I find myself unsatisfied at the end. It's a terrible cereal to mix with milk, because quite a few things happen.

A) The little straws of wheat get so soggy that they break apart like a poorly made canoe. Eventually, you have a pond full of wheat.

B) The sugar dissolves. 90% of the allure of FMW is a vat of sugar on each bite, but the milk takes away all of the fun.

C) It's impossible to cleanup after completion. I'm not going to eat all that excess wheat. But yet, you have to somehow clean your bowl. If you spill the milk out, your sink is full of this seaweed (I realized while writing this that I'm absolutely hate the word wheat, so seaweed sounded better). If you pour it all in the garbage, your garbage becomes a dripping mess.

MVC (Most Valuable Cereal) - Lucky Charms

We had some great nominees for this category. In the end, nothing beats my Lucky Charms. The commercial ropes you in, with that little green guy hopping around happily. Always gets me in the mood. What I love about LC is you can eat it numerous ways. I usually will try to have a marshmallow-to-oats ratio of 75%/25% in my spoon each and every time. Some people like to go all mallows, or even all oats, saving the mallows for last. Anyway you eat it, it's consistently top notch. There's even a bit of mystery to LC, because I couldn't identify half of the shapes.


  1. While I agree that Lucky Charms amazing, i completely disagree with your assessment of Frosted Mini's. Yes, they get soggy and are disgusting at that point, but once the right amount of milk sets in, they are delicious - eat faster!

    Also, your omission of Frosted Flakes, Fruit Loops, and Corn Pops is disconcerning!

  2. Can't believe cinnamon toast crunch didn't make it. This list is a sham

    1. AHHHHHH! Forgot about CTC! Great point Mr. Crump!

    2. CTC is wayyy too sugary. Having said that, I love eating it